dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
