why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
