we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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