Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
