if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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