Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
