He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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