I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
