My liver just broke up with me...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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