Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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