So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just pee around me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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