i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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