just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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