I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
