we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
