Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
