Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize