I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
