if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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