She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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