I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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