Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
