We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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