A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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