Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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