i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
