You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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