Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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