That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
