someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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