I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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