dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
