drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
