I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
