You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
