There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
