Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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