ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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