Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
