Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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