I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive