Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she peed on how many people?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too