He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
