it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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