You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love having hate sex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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