he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and she was petting her beer can
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
should my penis look like a turkey
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
