He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
