Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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