The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize