thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
