btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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