somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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