I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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