It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
