is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
