if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
