I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
