im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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