.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
