Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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