I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
