soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
