I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
