Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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