He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
