Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Less talking, more tequila
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
