...so i touched it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
