Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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