I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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