I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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