The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
