I just threw up on my dentist
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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