my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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