I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want a musical about memes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
